Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)
Washington , DC May 23,
2011

The US Senate is set to pass sweeping legislation that
will provide new benefits for many Americans: The Americans With
No Abilities Act (AWNAA). President Obama said he will sign it as soon
as it hits his desk.

The AWNAA is being hailed as a major legislative goal
by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or
ambition. 'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence
and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves
in society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no
longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and
passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able
to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because
they have some idea of what they are doing.

We are legalizinganother protected class of Americans.'

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Minority
Leader Nancy Pelosi (D) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D) pointed to
the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing
policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance.
Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job
skills,making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons
of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of
non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline
industry (68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%). At the
state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has
an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (a whopping 83%).
Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million
'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding
titles but little real esponsibility, thus providing an illusory
sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will
be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most
inept employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks
to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of
Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit
to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless
worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it
more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning,
forexample, discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have
any skills or experience that relate to this job?'

'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people
who have something going for them,' said Ken Cox, who lost his
position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in
Flint , Michigan due to his inability to remember 'righty tightey, lefty
loosey.'

'This new law should be real good for people like me,' Cox
added.  With the passage of this bill, Cox and millions of other
untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the
tunnel.

Said Senator D*** Durbin (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities,
I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to
be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty
as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of
his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this
great nation
and a good salary for doing so.'